grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.
i think the worst part is right at the beginning when you still can’t seem to comprehend and you see the world keeps spinning and people still laugh and go out and have fun and you stay there, frozen, while everything spins around you and you ask yourself “don’t they know what just happened? don’t they care? should I tell them that i loved someone who is now dead?”
*violently sobbing* I KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER I KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER KNOW ITS FOR THE BETTER
“Why can’t you see me? Why can’t I stop / needing you to see me?”— Chen Chen, from When I Grow Up I Want to Be a List of Further Possibilities; “Nature Poem”